Mentoring : A Two-Way Street

Over the years, I have been approached to offer informal mentoring support to a number of colleagues in senior leadership roles in the social sector. I refer to them as informal, as I do not have a professional qualification in mentoring (and hope that I get that one day in the near future). That said, I do feel that I am able to offer mentoring support, drawing on my experience and my learnings, both positive and negative. And often, I wish I had access to that form of support when I was much younger. I have also been approached by a number of young professionals who are in the early stages of their career. I find these conversations extremely stimulating and enjoyable. I have restrained myself from offering coaching support, as I do not think I am good at coaching. One of the essential skills of a good coach, as I have understood, is being able to ask questions that make the other person think and reflect. I do not consider that as a strength of mine and instead, I am happy to offer advice and suggestions based on my own experiences and what I have learnt from others who I look up to or have sought advice from. The main reflection I have had is that mentoring is a two-way street. From each of the mentoring conversations, I realise that I have learnt at least as much or even more than the mentee. Hence, I find these extremely stimulating. The questions I get asked often get me thinking deep and drawing on the relevant experiences I have had. And more often than not, I realise that I have learnt as much from my positive experiences (e.g. an inspiring line manager, a conducive work culture) as much from my negative ones (e.g. toxic work culture, insipid leadership). One also realises that with the benefit of hindsight, things could have been very different if I had approached a particular situation differently or been more empathetic. That, to me, has proved to be therapeutic in many ways, as I am able to take a more objective view of myself and the decisions I have taken, with humility while also acknowledging the contribution of those around me. I am able to let go of some of my grudges, have a more generous view of others, be less defensive and be more cognisant of my conscious and unconscious biases in the process. There are some broad themes that I get asked about, and more often than not, they fall in the following 3 categories : 1. Decision making : All leaders struggle with decision making. There is either too much or too little consultation. A decision has multiple implications, some positive and some negative, all of which may not be quite apparent at the time of taking a decision. There is also the context and the urgency that impacts on decision making. Expectations all around need to be managed. There is a personal responsibility that needs to be taken for decisions made, irrespective of the consequences.Decisions need to be based on evidence (the easier part) and also a judgement one needs to make (a much more difficult call). That is what makes decision making quite complex and very fascinating, but equally something that can be a genuine struggle for those in leadership roles. 2. Managing relationships : As one gets into senior leadership roles, in addition to the competency requirements for the role, managing relationships becomes even more important. Collaboration, building trust, mutual respect, accountability and responsibility are all areas that are critical in managing relationships. These could be one-to-one relationships and also relationships within a team or with another team. For those in CEO roles, managing relationships between the executive team and the board is of paramount importance. It is hence not surprising that one needs a high level of emotional intelligence to manage relationships, not just to ensure that they are positive, but also that they are productive. 3. Career choices and progression : Irrespective of what stage one is in their career, there are choices to be made while considering a career move in terms of the role, the organisation and areas one needs to think about while positioning oneself better in terms of career progression. There is also a more difficult ‘purpose’ question so that career choices align with the motivational factors that influence the ultimate decision regarding a career move. The art of decision making, managing relationships and making career choices can never be mastered. One can only evolve and improve one’s understanding, reflecting on one’s own experience and learning from others. Hence, when these mentoring conversations touch upon these themes, I find them incredibly valuable in thinking of my own learning journey and capture, for myself, key learnings from over the decades. Colleagues with whom I have a mentoring conversation are all very generous in acknowledging the advice I am able to share and how it helps them navigate through some complex phases in their professional journeys. That said, I invariably feel extremely grateful to them for being instrumental in pushing me to delve into the deep recesses of my own professional journey and catalyse a process of self reflection and learning.